Let's make this quick and painless... my most recent phone conversation...
*Ring* (Alright, it was actually 6 rings)
Asshole: "Hello?"
Voice: "I'm sorry, that is an incorrect response..."
A: "What the fuck?"
V: "I'm sorry, that is an incorrect response... Press 1 to lower your interest rate now!"
A: "What the fuck?... Fuck you!"
*click*
It almost amazes me... the tactics telemarketers use to try and get you to buy shit and whatnot...
I've officially added Telemarketers to the list of people to seriously consider exterminating from the planet...
Along with Child molesters and rapists... but that's another topic...
Anywho,
Fuck you!
The Asshole.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Go Cowboys - Fuck You Lions
So the Dallas Cowboys are now 12-1 after stealing - yes, I admit, it was theft - a game from a whiny bitch by the name of John Kitna and his Detroit Lions... Not a whole lot to brag about, in terms of the game at least... but at least nobody hear has to eat their words... Mr. "We're going to win 10 games this year" (Now have a record of 6-7, with 3 games left - do the math... Shop Aaron's.)
and the whole radio show smack talk from last year... Maybe Romo and Witten should hop on some Dallas radio station and flat out laugh at the fact that even with a garbage defensive effort, and without using T.O. whatsoever... they still managed to pull their asses out of the fire... To clinch the division nonetheless...
Fuck you Kitna... Enjoy your winter and spring, which will be playoff free.
Signed,
Asshole, the Cowboys fan.
and the whole radio show smack talk from last year... Maybe Romo and Witten should hop on some Dallas radio station and flat out laugh at the fact that even with a garbage defensive effort, and without using T.O. whatsoever... they still managed to pull their asses out of the fire... To clinch the division nonetheless...
Fuck you Kitna... Enjoy your winter and spring, which will be playoff free.
Signed,
Asshole, the Cowboys fan.
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Alright, It's what, December 9th... and I'm already sick of all the "Holiday Cheer"
Christmas is an absolute crock of shit, just like the religion it's based upon, but that's another post... Unless you're a materialistic piece of shit, then Christmas is perfect for you!
(If you're a wholesome person who doesn't buy into the multi-million dollar holiday advertising blitz, and just spends the holidays with your family - I give you a big fucking pat on the back.)
It's not just the fact that Christmas is now about the purchasing of an endless supply of gifts that pisses me off... It's the fact that roughly 85% of North Americans celebrate CHRISTMAS and allow the retail giants to push their "Happy final 2 weeks of December unspecified holiday" catalog. Despite the fact that they know that you'll be doing your CHRISTMAS shopping there... But then again, maybe the retail superstores are just being polite to the other handful of traditions there are around this time of the year. (Once again - yeah, right)
So long story short - Fuck Christmas.
Now go out and buy me something nice you materialistic pricks!
Yours truly,
The Asshole.
Christmas is an absolute crock of shit, just like the religion it's based upon, but that's another post... Unless you're a materialistic piece of shit, then Christmas is perfect for you!
(If you're a wholesome person who doesn't buy into the multi-million dollar holiday advertising blitz, and just spends the holidays with your family - I give you a big fucking pat on the back.)
It's not just the fact that Christmas is now about the purchasing of an endless supply of gifts that pisses me off... It's the fact that roughly 85% of North Americans celebrate CHRISTMAS and allow the retail giants to push their "Happy final 2 weeks of December unspecified holiday" catalog. Despite the fact that they know that you'll be doing your CHRISTMAS shopping there... But then again, maybe the retail superstores are just being polite to the other handful of traditions there are around this time of the year. (Once again - yeah, right)
So long story short - Fuck Christmas.
Now go out and buy me something nice you materialistic pricks!
Yours truly,
The Asshole.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Assholes On Full Tilt Poker
Alright, I play poker online - who doesn't?
I'm playing some low limit HORSE to dick some time away, not doing too bad until I have a run in with some douchebag sitting directly to the left of me.
Twice in three hands, while playing stud, he nails low trips on Seventh street (The River) to beat my Aces and Kings.
Now it's not the fact that this fucking luckbox sucked out a couple times on me that pisses me off, it happens, it's poker. It's the fact that he questioned the fact that I was playing two pair so hard when he was showing the cards he did. (3 low suited connectors)
So after taking a couple low-blows to the old chip stack, I have to hear some arrogant, ignorant bullshit from a limit Hold 'em player who thinks he's hot shit because he's made the switch over to HORSE, when I really should have heard "Shit, how'd you know I was only flat-calling with a garbage hand hoping to get lucky, which I did."
Yes, I like to gripe about people - What's it to ya?
Anyways, if you wanna fuck me around in poker, download Full Tilt Poker from the button below, and enter ASSHOLE100 as your bonus code and they'll match whatever you deposit up to $600.
By the way, my nickname there is Source4Adult.
Back to the poker tables.
Have a nice fucking day.
The Asshole.
I'm playing some low limit HORSE to dick some time away, not doing too bad until I have a run in with some douchebag sitting directly to the left of me.
Twice in three hands, while playing stud, he nails low trips on Seventh street (The River) to beat my Aces and Kings.
Now it's not the fact that this fucking luckbox sucked out a couple times on me that pisses me off, it happens, it's poker. It's the fact that he questioned the fact that I was playing two pair so hard when he was showing the cards he did. (3 low suited connectors)
So after taking a couple low-blows to the old chip stack, I have to hear some arrogant, ignorant bullshit from a limit Hold 'em player who thinks he's hot shit because he's made the switch over to HORSE, when I really should have heard "Shit, how'd you know I was only flat-calling with a garbage hand hoping to get lucky, which I did."
Yes, I like to gripe about people - What's it to ya?
Anyways, if you wanna fuck me around in poker, download Full Tilt Poker from the button below, and enter ASSHOLE100 as your bonus code and they'll match whatever you deposit up to $600.
By the way, my nickname there is Source4Adult.
Back to the poker tables.
Have a nice fucking day.
The Asshole.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Customer Fucking Service?
I don't know about you, but hold times piss me the fuck off.
It used to be pretty tolerable until recently, when I noticed (and I'm sure you have too) that every company has an "Automated Answering Service" that is more useless than tits on a bull.
Answering Systems should be simple:
"Press 1 For English."
"Press 2 To Have A Fucking Referendum." (Don't hurt yourselves thinking about this, it's a Canadian Joke.)
"Press 3 To Be Fucking Deported."
Anyways, back to the point.
The other day, the phone rings. Nothing unusual there, until I pick it up and hear "Please stay on the line for an important message from *Insert Company Here.*"
So, not only do I have to sit on hold for what seems like half a year when I call someone because I need to speak to someone in Buttfuck, India about my banking or telecommunication needs. I have to sit on hold when someone from Fuck Knows, Pakistan needs to talk to me as well.
Three words: Absolute Fucking Bullshit.
How to fix this?
Fuck knows, but every time I pick up the phone and get an automated message or the long silent pause of a telemarketer getting ready to feed me some bullshit, instead of a pleasant "Hello" or "Good Evening" (Since they never call before 6:00 P.M. anymore) that every "Customer" should be receiving. I simply give whoever or whatever is on the other line an extremely polite "Fuck you, and have a nice fucking day"
You can blow it up your "Customer Service Oriented" asses.
I've certainly noticed that my "Customer" hasn't ever been properly serviced from any of these companies... If any of these companies truly cared about "Customer Satisfaction", they would be knocking your door to "Service" you, and your "Customer." - If you get my fucking point.
So anyways, fuck you and have a nice fucking day!
Sincerely,
The Asshole.
It used to be pretty tolerable until recently, when I noticed (and I'm sure you have too) that every company has an "Automated Answering Service" that is more useless than tits on a bull.
Answering Systems should be simple:
"Press 1 For English."
"Press 2 To Have A Fucking Referendum." (Don't hurt yourselves thinking about this, it's a Canadian Joke.)
"Press 3 To Be Fucking Deported."
Anyways, back to the point.
The other day, the phone rings. Nothing unusual there, until I pick it up and hear "Please stay on the line for an important message from *Insert Company Here.*"
So, not only do I have to sit on hold for what seems like half a year when I call someone because I need to speak to someone in Buttfuck, India about my banking or telecommunication needs. I have to sit on hold when someone from Fuck Knows, Pakistan needs to talk to me as well.
Three words: Absolute Fucking Bullshit.
How to fix this?
Fuck knows, but every time I pick up the phone and get an automated message or the long silent pause of a telemarketer getting ready to feed me some bullshit, instead of a pleasant "Hello" or "Good Evening" (Since they never call before 6:00 P.M. anymore) that every "Customer" should be receiving. I simply give whoever or whatever is on the other line an extremely polite "Fuck you, and have a nice fucking day"
You can blow it up your "Customer Service Oriented" asses.
I've certainly noticed that my "Customer" hasn't ever been properly serviced from any of these companies... If any of these companies truly cared about "Customer Satisfaction", they would be knocking your door to "Service" you, and your "Customer." - If you get my fucking point.
So anyways, fuck you and have a nice fucking day!
Sincerely,
The Asshole.
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